Sunday, March 7, 2010

Reality is setting in.

These last few days have been rather difficult because of the fatigue. I have been avoiding going home for lunch because I know that I will just fall asleep and feel worse when I go back to sit behind my desk. I am so drained by the time I get home, I end up sleeping for a couple of hours before even considering what I need to do around the house.

It became that much worse when I went to see my primary physician on Friday. First I have to say that I really like my doctor. He has been there for both me and my husband and really listens to us. That's why I made an appointment with him after my rheumatologist, who I wasn't really impressed with, told me I definitely had rheumatoid arthritis. I guess I was hoping he could give me more than just the prescription the other doctor gave me. I was hoping he could tell me that I could overcome this with diet, etc.

What I actually heard was a terrifying portrait of what RA could do to me. He told me about the deformities I could see in my hands over the years, including "swine" hands where your fingers all turn outward and resemble pigs' feet. He explained to me that if I did not drastically drop my weight, I may need knee replacement surgery before I turn 40. He told me I could develop fluid around my heart and that he just had a patient with RA admitted for just that. And it went on...

It was just last Monday that my therapist told me that I seemed like I was in such a good place after my diagnosis, but now I am somewhere completely different. I know that my doctor intended on shocking me. He wants me to realize how serious RA can be and that I need to make serious lifestyle changes. But my god, I came home in shock.

I went to work the next day in sweat pants and an over sized sweatshirt which I accessorized with two wrist guards. I ended up leaving early not only because of the pain, but because I thought I was going to break down in tears at any moment.

Luckily I came home to my wonderful husband who pulled the covers over me, gave me some Kleenex, and told me I would be okay because we are going to do it together.

As for today, after going on a walk, both my feet are throbbing and achy. Rommel and I made one last trip to McDonald's and are now watching the Oscars. But tomorrow is another day.

1 comment:

bitt of raw said...

so sorry about the fatigue. yes i have seen the hands of people who have RA for awhile. but i have seen people who can still use them and it's still better than a lot of other deformities i suppose. yeah i guess you can tell me to shut up now.

have you seen "supersize me"? that might be a good film to motivate you to get off the McDs.

sending you healing energy.