Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Naked Ass (just warning you)

The other day I decided that Mondays will be “kick my own ass” day at the gym. In other words, it will be the day I work out the hardest because it is the only day of the week when I do not work and I can actually drive there instead of walk.

So this Monday the alarm went off at 9 am and I reset it for 10. Instead of falling back to sleep my mind kept going over all the reasons I should be getting up. I finally threw off the sheets, ate a quick breakfast and headed to the Y.

I first headed for the exercise bike because it is the easiest to use and read at the same time. I put the bike on the random hill setting and cranked it up to three (out of twenty). Twenty minutes later my legs were tired and I had only burned 74 calories! I mean, come on, only 74? They should throw in some extra ones when you break a sweat or at least riding until your ass hurts too much to continue. Then I jumped on the treadmill where you can make some actual progress. Problem is that I was too tired from burning those 74 calories that I did not last very long on the treadmill. Apparently when you have not been to the gym in six years and you put on A LOT of weight, you lose stamina. Who would have thought?

So I head back to the locker room to grab my stuff. I wash my face and turn into the row of lockers where I believe my locker is and OH MY GOD! Yes, that is a naked ass in front of me. A naked ass! After a second or two trying to figure out who I am and what I am doing standing in front of someone’s naked ass, I realize that my locker is in the next row. Thank god or I would have had to stand next to naked woman while I tried to open my combination lock, if I even would have remembered the numbers with the words “naked ass, naked ass” going through my mind.

And here’s the thing, I appreciate a beautiful woman. I think Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston are absolutely gorgeous. But I appreciate them in the “I wish I looked like them” sort of way, not the “I want to see them naked” sort of way (although I am sure I would wish I looked like them naked if I did see them naked). I do not care if you look like Angelina in Wanted or Kristie Alley in Fat Actress, I do NOT want to see your naked ass staring back at me when I turn the corner! And I should mention that most of the women using the locker room when I seem to be there are older women wearing bathing suits, so the chance of seeing Angelina-like ass is very, very slim.

Anyway, I am just hoping for no naked ass next time.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Legitimate Excuse, I Think

I didn't work out yesterday, but I felt justified because I was severely injured. Okay, maybe not severely, but I was injured. Rommel and I were trying to put a window screen in and he knocked over our old fashioned ironing board, which is extremely heavy and has no padding on it. It hit the side of my leg and slammed into my ankle. Blood was flowing from my leg and curse words were flowing from my mouth. I totally blame Rommel because he hadn't put the ironing board back where it should have been, which was neatly tucked behind a door on the other side of the room far from my delicate ankle.

Between my damaged toes from the previous night and my swollen ankle, I decided I was allowed to skip the gym if I a) worked on a bunch of stuff at home and b) went to the gym tonight. I cleaned our bedroom, filed a stack of paperwork that had been building for weeks, and took the dogs for a long walk.

It is an absolutely beautiful day today and I even brought my gym bag to work so that I could head straight there at 4:30. That is if they still let injury prone people into a building with dangerous equipment.

Update - I am never taking my gym bag to work with me again because it is just that much more weight I have to carry while I drag, and I mean drag, my ass home.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Skinny Girls On Treadmills

It has been six years since I have been to the gym. Since that time I have graduated from college, moved to California, got married, and been working a desk job. I have also become rather lazy when it comes to exercise. Neither my husband who loves to work out and enjoys sports nor my ever expanding pants could convince me to stick with a program.

Then a read a book by Jen Lancaster about her weight loss experience. She has a wicked sense of humor and a way with words that I just loved. The book also gave me a little motivation. I began by looking up reviews on gyms in the area, which actually crushed that little nugget of motivation. The reviews were full of comments about not enough machines and dirty locker rooms. I think the one that made me cringe the most was about how patrons of a certain gym needed to thoroughly shower before entering the pool. That's just gross! How many people are so nasty that they need to "thoroughly" shower before swimming?

So I basically gave up on the whole gym thing until someone dropped off a complimentary one week passes to the Y. I knew they had a pool and basketball courts, but I never really looked into it as an option. I checked out their website and it is insane how many types of classes they offer and the services they provide. Plus the fees are not too crazy and the money goes to community programs.

I decided to head over on Sunday for a tour. I was even inspired to ride my bike over since it is not too far although it was unusually hot. I get there and no one is available to give a tour, which is fine. I start riding home and am having a really difficult time. I check the tires thinking they might be flat. Nope, they're fine. I am so hot and tired, I end up pushing my bike home. (Obviously I am in need of exercise, very badly in need of exercise.)

I went back yesterday and was impressed with the tour I received. I even stayed to work out for a while.

I went back again today (hold the applause) even though I had second thoughts. I smashed my foot into a chair in the middle of the night and it was also ninety-five degrees when I left work. I am the queen of excuses, I am. But I eventually decided I needed to get my ass there especially since I have a free pass for the week. I was quite glad I did. The only thing that got to me was the skinny chick running on the treadmill in front on me. You could see her spine between the sports bra and tiny shorts she was wearing. My god, I could count her vertebra!
Now I am tired and watching "The Wrestler". Talk about depressing, really depressing.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Maggie Mae

My sister's roommate recently took these pictures of their dog Maggie and they were so cute that I just had to share them!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wags 'N Whiskers Walk

This will be the third year that Rommel and I participate in the Wags 'N Whiskers Walk to help raise money for the Glendale Humane Society. It is always so much fun to see everyone out with their dogs and meet new people. The first year we took both Simba and Sunny, but last year we only took Simba because Sunny seemed way to nervous. We are not sure if they are both going this year, but we do know that Simba will be competing in the "best eyes" contest. He can melt your heart with his eyes!

The funds to help cover expenses incurred providing medical care, food, enrichment and training to the hundreds of dogs and cats in our care each year. As a non-profit, no-kill shelter, we depend entirely on the generosity of friends like you. By joining us at the walk or supporting a friend or family member who’s walking, you can help us save lives — four paws at a time!

If you would like to support our walk, please visit

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Marx Brothers

I am a total sucker for homeless animals and I have found a new mission in my own backyard. The apartment behind our house has been feeding a few stray cats. The first one I noticed was a white cat that has a little black moustache. I decided to name him Groucho and his three friends, two white and one tabby, are the Marx brothers.

I went back and forth a lot, but I finally caved and set out food and water dishes on the front porch where the dogs will not harass them. I just feel so bad and would prefer for them to have a constant food source other than the birds we also feed. Hopefully I can find a place to get them all fixed because we do not want feral kittens running around.

Groucho is the funniest of them all and he has taken to looking in our bedroom window at different times of the day. The obvious draw is Ziggy, our canary, who's cage sits right in front of the window. Luckily Ziggy does not even notice the cat staring at him through the window.

I went give the dogs a treat this morning and they suddenly stood up and started barking. I turn around to see two paws and a face against the window looking at me. I even managed to get a picture when he came back in the afternoon. It's not the best because Ziggy had just splashed water all over the window, but I wanted to get it while I had the chance.

As long as they do not wander into the backyard, land of the pups, I think they will be around for quite a while. Luckily Rommel and I bought a twenty-five pound bag of cat food, so we will be prepared.

Funnel cake is the enemy!

Instead of the traditional ways most people usually celebrate Easter, we decided to head to the Los Angeles zoo. It was such a beautiful day and our friend Angela was able to join us, which made the day even better. No matter how many times we have been to the zoo, there is always something new to see. Take for example this little guy. The way he was lounging in the sun you would have thought we were at a fabulous resort. He just enjoyed watching all the crazy people point at him.

Towards the end we passed a funnel cake stand. I think the last time I have a funnel cake was at Disneyland six years ago. They were fresh out of the fryer with a perfect dusting of powder sugar; I could not pass it up! I chowed down on that thing and after about twenty minutes I felt like this:

Even though I had to lay down for awhile when we arrived home because my stomach was not feeling so well (damn funnel cake!!!!!!!!!!!!), it was a really great Easter. We walked the dogs, got some stuff done, and had plenty of fun.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

When did this happen to me?

I have always been a shopper, especially when it came to clothes. Of course I never really needed anything, but I was always buying things. College was the worst though. I could find a million reasons to go to the mall during those five years. I was bored, I would shop. I was sad, I would shop. I was happy, I would shop.

I remember packing for my move to Los Angeles. I was only allowed to bring two suitcases on the plane, so I could only bring the essentials and maybe have a few things shipped to me later. Every other item in my closet still had a tag on it. I finally decided which items to bring, which was several pairs of slacks and nice blouses. After three weeks in California where do I get a job? A hardware store! Dress slacks and delicate blouses were not the proper attire. Even working in the office I only need jeans and casual shirts. Eventually every single piece of clothing I brought with me went to Goodwill and my mom donated everything I left in Illinois. The sad part of that story is that I am still paying for all those clothes I bought in college.

Anyway, I do not shop as much as I used to and when I do it is for completely different items. I remember the first time I noticed a change in my behavior. I think I had been married for about two years and my parents gave us a gift certificate for Pier 1. I was beyond excited to purchase a set of ceramic mixing bowls. Mixing bowls!

Now days I get excited over power tools and kitchen gadgets. It is still hard for me to believe. I used to drool over the newest coat in Express and now I jump up and down over the new pink leather tool belt I found.

I still buy the clothes, but they are usually from Old Navy and half of the time they are on clearance. My only other weakness is bags, which I have a very large collection of. Rommel has his jerseys, I have my bags.